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John Besante, known to porny netizens as Joel Someone, loves hot new talent of all ages and sizes. It’s a fatherly position he’s used to, having starred in a string of boundary-baiting roles from Mormon elder to caring stepdad. One fan of Joel’s talent is conceptual art superstar AA Bronson, who invites Someone over for horny tea.

French literary sensation Constance Debré arrives at the buzzing Parisian café with bags in tow. Since she left her husband and comfortable life five years ago to become a dyke, the best-selling novelist has been on the move – writing scandalous books and bedding loads of women.