Wank Bank

K8 Hardy

K8 Hardy makes an art form of lesbian swagger. Whether dressing up as different camp characters in her videos and performances or painting a massive Maxi pad, the ex-riot grrrl and downtown NYC dyke diva serves horny humor and chutzpah. And as a born-and-bred Texan, she takes her boots very seriously. Lovers, be prepared to do the same!

BIG, STRONG, GNARLY HANDS – with short, dirty fingernails that would give me a bacterial infection.

EURO TRASH DYKES – with a healthy fear of aggressively friendly US American queers.

FEMMES WITH SHAVED HEADS AND ANGER ISSUES – no sweetie pies.

RAT TAILS AND BOOTS – cowboy boots, real cowboy shit. Not the Yankee version. And knowing how to wear your jeans with said boots, perhaps while drinking a coffee at the gay boot scoot.

HOT PHOTOGRAPHERS – be obsessed with taking my photo and directing me from behind the camera.

ENJOYS BEING BULLIED – and knows it’s flirting.

STRIPTEASES – very slow and to a song, but not the cheesy burlesque style. Needs to be rooted in reality, on a decently dirty, not-too-nice strip club stage.

PACKING – and you know I don’t mean a gun. It’s full of good intentions.

CHEST SILHOUETTES – top surgery and the soft mass of bound breasts.

TAKES DIRECTION WELL – be thirsty, but not too eager.

SWEATY STEMS – AKA stud-fems, who pay team sports games seriously. Bonus for wearing uniforms.

BIG NOSES – if you know, you know.