Pierre the Farmer

Daniel: When we first met, you were living in Bretagne. What were you doing there?
Pierre: At the time I was a kelp farmer. I also grew some other vegetables.
You seem to love rural living. Why is it important to you?
I enjoy being in contact with something basic. Simple living. I feel better in nature.
Do you ever miss having queer people around?
Yeah, of course. And it’s even more difficult when I work alongside beautiful men on the farm, doing sweaty things.
Do you ever fuck other farmers?
Totally. That was especially true on this one farm in Switzerland. The guys there were, like, so fucking hot. Oh my god.
Please tell me more.
They didn’t identify as gay, and not as hetero either — and they were just really kinky. Back then I had a thousand plans.
What’s a “plan”?
A sex date. Un plan cul. Plan means plan. Cul means ass. An ass plan.
French is such a beautiful language. How many people are living on the farm?
Right now, I live in a community with 15 people. I have no choice but to be completely myself with them. We even talk about sex at the dinner table.
What do you like most about it?
Farm life allows for a more primal connection. At the end of the day we need to eat and we need to fuck, right?
Sounds basic to me.
Sometimes I just want to get pregnant with cum. Sometimes I’m the farmer, and sometimes I’m the pig.
That’s great. What would you describe as your ideal place to live?
My ideal would be a farm where everyone is mostly naked, and we treat sex like food.
Sounds perfect. Can I live there too?
I’d love that.
Do you watch porn?
Not anymore. To be honest, I was watching too much. But then my phone died when I jumped into a swamp.
Why did you jump in a swamp?
To try to save a drowning cow. It was horrible – the cow died.
Oh no. I’m so sorry about the cow.
I miss the porn, but I really needed to take a break from it. I miss the cow more.
What’s the biggest difference between city and country living?
I think in the city, the queer community can feel very ego-driven.
What do you mean?
Gays are like, ‘I need to be famous,’ ‘I need self esteem,’ ‘I am so amazing because I am me,’ etc. etc. I don’t connect with that energy.
What kind of men are you attracted to?
I find dads so sexy. Not daddies, but actual dads, the kind that have children.
Why’s that?
Because by caring for their children, they care deeply for something beyond themselves. I find that really sexy.
Well, it seems that as the queer representative here on the farm…
Do you think I’m queer?
What? We’ve been using that term.
This word is easier in English than in French. It feels different in French.
What’s the better word then. Fairy?
Fée! Yes! Merci — I identify as a farm fairy.
Every farm needs a fairy.
I add a bit of magic.