Joel Someone

AA: Just yesterday I found out about the Mormon Boyz? I think that’s what it’s called. I’m curious.
Joel: It used to be called Mormon Boyz – it’s a Mormon-themed porn website – but now it’s called Missionary Boys. I play a character named President Lewis, who’s a kind of priest, and, like, a villain. I enjoy getting to play the bad guy, this trusted person who abuses his role.
I can’t imagine you’re very believable as an abusive person.
That’s the fun part. I also like to believe that people who are abusive don’t have bad intentions in their mind.
No, they often have good intentions.
I also think that’s why people like it so much. When Missionary Boys hired me, they gave me a script and were, like, ‘This is the person you’re playing. Your name is President Lewis.’ Who I later found out is a real person in the Mormon Church. I really enjoyed it. In the beginning, I channeled, like – I know it sounds cheesy – a character from ‘Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’. He is this tired dad-type. Handsome but grumpy. My brother was also an inspiration. I remember thinking, ‘What would my brother do? He’s the most heterosexual person I know.’
What’s the normal setup for a scene?
They pair me with young models. It’s very interesting to work with really young performers, like 18 to 20 years old, because they’re so vulnerable and brave at the same time. I remember it being something I wanted to do at that age, but PrEP didn’t exist yet. There was so much stigma still and I was too afraid. So to meet a 19-year-old in this industry, I’m, like, ‘How are you doing this?’ Part of me wants to be a parent. Part of me wants to judge them. Part of me is so worried.
How old were you when you started doing porn?
32. I had 10 years of a dead-end job, a lot of life behind me and I just hit a wall. All of a sudden I said, ‘Fuck it, let’s go for it.’ I first became a sex worker and then moved to New York City. I didn’t know how I was going to make it, but I was going to try. I grew up in rural, small town New Mexico, a really humble place. I knew there was more out in this world and it just got further and further away from my reach as I got older.

When did you move to New York?
In 2017. This all happened within eight years, this whirlwind. But before all that, I had gotten a scholarship to the University of New Mexico for studio arts. I wasn’t a very good student.
Didn’t you have an exhibition in…where was this? Somewhere in New Jersey?
No, that was my uncle. I come from a bunch of John Besantes.
(laughs) Okay.
I’m technically the fourth John Besante. I’m not a junior – my father’s name was Ronald. My uncle John is a giant pothead and, apparently, he’s an excellent oil painter. Sadly, that wasn’t me, although I should start taking credit for it, because it is my name.
Yeah, that makes sense.
So, in 2008, I was interning at Walt Disney World. I did that for a year. I was a safari driver.
For a year. Wow!
I was running away from an ugly relationship. I’m one of those people who struggles to say “no”. I was probably 20 years old and I was dating someone who had, like, a serious alcohol addiction and I didn’t know how to get out of it.
Running away forces you out of it.
The whole origin of the name Joel Someone came from the fact that I’d cheat on my ex and I needed a name to fuck strangers on Craigslist.
Right right.
Back to Missionary Boys. I get to be a parent to a certain degree, like a sexual mentor for young people. The porn industry, that’s deep water there. That’s a place you have to be really careful. There’s a scene I did where two of the models were both under 23 years old. They’re both dead now. One of them died of an OD, the other one got shot. I’m the only survivor of this three-way. Just two weeks ago, a trans boy I had worked with was in a very serious car accident and passed. I’ve had sex with probably 10 people who aren’t breathing right now.
Well, me too, but mine are from AIDS. Different generation.
You are from the survivor generation.
Yeah, I’m one of the few who made it through.
Not everyone gets to make it, which is a weird, harsh reality.
Of course.
Anyways back to my long-winded answer about Missionary Boys.
Well, it does seem to be, like, a pederast site, right? The boys are kind of passing for 12, you know, they look younger.
They do they do. I just posted this beautiful video where I talk about my boyfriend’s proportions – he’s a dwarf. You know, I love everything about him. Part of why I love my boyfriend so much is because he’s a sexually vibrant, interesting and beautiful person who happens to be small. But then there are like 2000 comments saying: ‘You’re a pedophile.’
Really?
Yeah… It’s interesting to see what people’s gut reactions are. It’s just, like, ‘You are a predator.’
He doesn’t look like a little boy. He’s got a very masculine face. He does not look like a child.
I had pursued my boyfriend for years before I met him. He’d been doing porn longer than me and I realized it must be so hard for him to trust people. When we finally met, I told him, ‘I get it. You’ve got this vessel that is perceived as a little boy’s body, but you’re a grown-ass man.’
He’s just small.
That’s probably been the hardest thing about doing porn – it tickles so many places that are taboo and hard for people to understand. And those roles that are complicated, like being, essentially, in a perpetrator role, I like taking them on from a place of healing.
I don’t like the name King Dwarf so much.
His condition is called dwarfism, so he prefers being called a dwarf – which some people don’t like. (takes a bite) The croissants are excellent.
Oh, good. They’re not German.
No? Are German croissants different?
They’re the same, but not as good, not as right.
To put a cap on Missionary Boys – I’m a survivor of childhood sexual trauma. I get to not necessarily relive those moments, but kind of rewrite them. Anybody who knows anything about sexual trauma will tell you it’s formative, like you’ll always be stuck in those places, unless you rework them and change them to benefit you.
I sometimes wonder what percentage of gay men were abused as kids. I think a very high percentage.
It freezes you to a certain degree. I will always be stuck in that adolescent, 15-year-old place of excitement towards sex, excited to be considered an adult, excited to be seen and discovered.
Is that how old you were when you were abused?
Much younger. It had a little violence attached to it. That’s partially why I don’t like BDSM. I don’t like pain. It just knocks me into a place where I’m, like, ‘Ugh…’ You learn how to numb it. So you were talking about with Missionary Boys, how the models read younger – I think that’s on purpose.
Yeah.
In regards to sexual trauma, it’s something I think that’s shared throughout the adult industry, whether it be sex workers or porn actors…
It’s a common bond just in the gay scene. Period.
But with sex workers, we tend to kind of either weaponize it or turn it into something that’s more useful.
Would you like some water?
I would love some please.
Sparkling or flat?
Um, whatever… How are you feeling?
I’m feeling uneasy about the interview.
What do you mean?
I don’t know. I’m trying to think what it is…
What can I do to help? (flips the tag back into AA’s sweater) I don’t mean to be futzing over you. I don’t like the tags showing.
That doesn’t bother me. My husband Mark does the same thing. He’s always taking off those little bits of fluff.
You know, it comes from a place of love. (laughs) The fun thing about love is having
someone care…

You don’t need to solve my problems.
But I love to do that! I’m hypersensitive.
Don’t worry. Tell me more about the Mormon Boyz. They’re certainly in an old-fashioned style.
The parent company, Say Uncle, produces a lot of these little “operettos”, little moments that are recreations of something that you’ve fantasized or maybe a deep-seated memory. When I first started working for Say Uncle, I was still escorting and I met a lot of fans.
Yeah.
Once, I went to Salt Lake City. I got hired by a guy who wore the Mormon underwear – for real – and he told me about his experiences at BYU, the Mormon university. Like, being in the dorm with a bunch of other boys wrestling in their garments. He told me, ‘I masturbated to that image for five years. I still think about it when I watch those videos.’
Mhm.
The same company does Family Dick too, which is like a step-father and son doing it. They call it “faux-cest”. After you play a dad successfully, they all want you to play a dad.
I think that’s called being typecasted.
Truly. I work with a different studio called Dad Creep. Essentially, I play a father teaching his son how to give blow jobs. But I think this idea of incest in pornography is really just queer men seeking identity from a trusted parental figure. Since we grew up with heterosexuals and what little sex they taught each other, I think it’s just us rewriting a language that includes us. And so when I play those roles, I think of myself as a kid when I wanted someone to say, ‘There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re normal. You just have sexual urges that you can’t describe and I’m trying to contextualize them for you…’ This is why I like working with younger performers. If you come over to my place, we’re going to make content. We’ll have lunch afterwards. I don’t use drugs. I’m not going to demand loyalty from you.
Yes, of course.
I have a porn family, like, I’m Joel Someone, Mother of the House of Someone. I’ve helped a lot of people start careers, but I don’t own them. I don’t. You see a lot of porn actors who feel like they deserve loyalty from the people they started in this industry, especially the young ones, because… (sighs)
I feel like artists and sex workers are more or less the same. There’s not much difference between them. People always want to rescue you from being an artist when you’re young.
And that’s what I wanted to be my whole life.
‘You’ll never have any security, blah blah blah.’ Frankly, there’s more money in sex work than in being an artist.
That’s also true. (both laugh) You have to whore yourself out just as much.
Yeah, and with a lower success rate.
I enjoy it as a reflection of me. I’m going to be 70 and I know I’m going to be so happy I have all this weird porn out there. I’m gonna get to watch intimate moments and have the classic old man story, like, ‘I remember I fucked him in the ass really really good. Then afterwards, we went to the burger place downstairs. I’d take my cameraman too…’

Do you think you’ll still be making money then?
Oh, I hope so. I started doing porn at the elder age of 30. But most of the models I know start when they’re young. I don’t like to lecture, but it’s hard to work with a model when you can tell his housing is shifty at best and he’s wearing $3,000 worth of clothing. (laughs) I remember I did a scene with a boy who showed up driving a U-haul truck. Not one of the big box ones, but just the rental pickup truck because he was too young to rent a car.
Oh, you can still rent trucks?
Yes, and he had driven 200 miles in this per-mile truck. (laughs)
Oh my gosh. He’s gonna lose money on that one!
Totally. The more he talked, the more I realized this is the only job that’d hire him. And I’m, like, ‘Oh, he doesn’t have anywhere to go after this.’ I let him stay with me for a night, like, ‘You can shower at my house. I’m not going to be some predator. I’m gonna fuck ya all day today, fuck ya all day tomorrow, but tonight, we can sleep.’ I knew if I didn’t offer him that he’d sleep in that truck.
Yes, of course. I’ve had friends who had to sleep in trucks.
I couldn’t imagine being that age and just so fearless. But then I think what initially made making porn scary is also what makes it fun. It’s the taboo.
Taboo is always nice.
It is. Especially if you aren’t afraid of it. I remember the first taboo was bareback sex in porn. When I was 13, downloading porn illegally, that word – bareback – would give me an erection.
At that time, the memory of death was much more present too. Which has its erotic factor.
It turns on so many people. Love, death and sex. Very Romeo and Juliet. When I was young, I thought all the men in Treasure Island Media were so straight, so butch and hyper-masculine…until I started working with them. Like, it’s just all these fags from Brooklyn. All those tattoos are just Alanis Morissette lyrics! (both laugh)
Right.
They looked tough though. And then when you’re with those guys, it’s like a hen party. Like, ‘We’re about to have an orgy, girl.’ I thought it was something completely different watching it as a kid.
You could feel it was a community activity, in a way that more traditional porn was not. Everyone knew each other.
After working in porn, you realize how organized everything is, especially now that I work with a lot of straight companies, like for testing, consent. And then a queer company is, like, ‘He said he’s been on Doxy for six weeks…’
There’s a lot more trust in the gay community…
Trust is a very strong word. I’d say, we have a different knowledge of our sexuality. We like orgies. We like group sex. We like the randomness of strangers. And it’s always been like that. I remember reading ‘The Joys of Gay Sex’ from 1977 for the first time back in New Mexico and it was so cool that it included chapters about where to find sex, words to say, cruising, safety.
Which was essential.
It was like a Boy Scout manual of sex. I think that’s where the mystique of the hustler came in.

Do you think that book inspired you to become one?
You know, I had gone through a lot to become a sex worker. I had lost a bunch of weight really abruptly due to an injury and then people started treating me very differently. All of a sudden people were flirting with me and people wanted sex from me.
Attention is always nice.
So there was this real busted porn producer coming through town – his name’s Jason Sparks – and I forgive him now, but he rejected me hard.
Who is he?
He’s this guy that has this troupe of boys, porn actors that go traveling in a caravan, city to city, around the United States. This was before OnlyFans. And they film scenes with small-town boys. He came to Albuquerque, New Mexico and I saw him on Grindr. And I finally got the nerve, thinking, ‘Maybe Jason Sparks will film a porno with me.’ He responded very quickly to my email, ‘You’re over 28 and you don’t have abs.’ (laughs) And I remember just feeling, like, so upset and so disappointed. ‘Why not me?’ But I didn’t take no for an answer. In my mind, I thought, ‘If he meets me, he’ll like me.’ (both laugh)
How did that work out?
All his boys were for sale as well. And I was, like, ‘You know what? I’ll hire one. We’ll all get to talking.’ So I hired one of his escorts. It was 250 bucks. At the time I was working retail and that was a lot of money for me. It was probably the worst sexual experience of my entire life. I was shocked at how bored this person was, just like dead weight on a bed. And I didn’t get to meet Jason Sparks.
Bad sex workers.
Yeah, just over it. But I realized he got paid 250 bucks to do this. So I looked up the website Rent.Men and I was, like, ‘You know what? Fuck it. We’re gonna try this out. I don’t care anymore.’
When was this?
Probably 2015.
Oh, that late too?
The first time I was hired, it was by a guy in Santa Fe. Very very sweet. It was an awkward experience. But I left with 250 bucks, thinking, ‘I can go right to the Bursar’s Office and pay my college debt!’
At that time did you tell your family? Did they know?
My brother was really on board. All of a sudden, he saw me happy – there was movement in my life. He flew me out to New York for a visit and got me a hotel room, saying, like, ‘Go put your light out.’ And I did and I met people who… I’m very earnest and I’m very honest and I’m clearly one of those hookers with a heart of gold. I met people who really believed in me. I ended up moving to New York pretty quickly after that.
Mhm.
For the longest time, I really thought that my way out of New Mexico was going
to be teaming up with someone, pooling our resources and just…
Trying to be practical about it.
My parents were one another’s best friends – very co-dependent – but a really good team, which I always admired. I always wanted to find my teammate.
How old are your parents?
My dad died. My mom’s in her sixties.
She’s a lot younger than me. (laughs)
I’m sure you must feel like a young man?
No.
You don’t?
No.
When did it start hitting you, the feeling of age?
Just within the last year. I’m 78. There’s a huge difference, weirdly enough, between 77 and 78.
Really?
Time kind of hits you. Time speeds up as you go along. So turning 40 is every young man’s horror. But it’s nothing compared to the horror of turning 80. (both laugh)
Did you enjoy your thirties?
My thirties were good. My forties were the period of AIDS, so not so good.
And your twenties?
My twenties were horrible.
Same.