Quickie with Uhaul Dyke Rescue
Lathered up Lesbians Take WHOLE Festival
Whatever you might think WHOLE Festival is or isn’t, the unhinged playground has got something for every type of queer, not least the backbone of our community – dykes, of course! After years hosting pop-up events out of the back of a rented van, London-based collective Uhaul Dyke Rescue rolled up to the Ferropolis to build their iconic Uhaul Dyke Beach Bar. And what better way to out-muscle the thousands of muscle gays at WHOLE than a weekend of competitive bar sports? We checked in with Lucy Nurnberg, who founded it together with Ali Wagner, for an oiled-up quickie.
What the BUTT is the Mobile Dyke Bar?
It’s a pop-up queer space that we build inside a rented van that pulls up wherever we’re needed. Queer rights are rolling backwards, and we need to make space for a little silliness more than ever!
How many dykes does it take to build it?
Our ‘HandyDyke’ department consists of four to five members, among them are firefighters, international DJs, famous artists and even civil servants.
What does the Mobile Dyke Bar offer to the community?
Side effects may include getting fingered on the dancefloor, losing your job because you spent 72 hours on a first date, several exes in the same space, and seeing your ex making out with your other ex.
How did you settle on the program?
Arm wrestling is a Uhaul Dyke Rescue staple, and oil wrestling is the next natural evolution in competitive flirting. The ‘dyke wash’ scrub down was extremely erotic, and most importantly, essential for workplace health and safety.
Were there many budding romances happening at WHOLE this year?
Budding romances? Imagine your first date starts with a guided meditation by a Uhaul host in a bright green G-string, you’re oiled down by a team of six hot dykes before getting into the ring with a full audience cheering. Safe to say the romances were not just budding but fully glistening, moist and thriving.
If you had to estimate, how many people have hooked up as a result of all of your Mobile Dyke Bar events combined?
We must be close to a hundred by now! To be honest, we’d love to hear more. So any dykes who found love at Uhaul please DM us – first verified Uhaul wedding gets the mobile dyke bar for free.
Would you rather be trapped in a taxi with four gay circuit queens or four exes?
Babe, we’re dykes…being trapped in a car with 4 exes is an average Tuesday.
Amid the queer discourse olympics of WHOLE festival, did you hear anything that shocked you?
The most shocking story involved a friend accidentally washing someone’s hands with a used douche bottle. PSA to the circuit queens, douching in a water bottle and leaving it for anyone (lesbians) to find will give you seven years of bad sex.
Where is Uhaul driving next?
It’s Uhaul Dyke Rave season! Our next festival stops will be Field Maneuvers and Body Movements for the first time. But our crowning jewel for the year will be “Big Gay Beaver Day”. Which is quite literally a collaboration with a charity for beavers (the kind that builds dams).